Color Me Desperate

Since many of you may not be familiar with the geographical references in this posting, let me give a rundown for you of what this employer is offering all the lucky, thinly-built, strong, experienced hard laborers/repairmen/construction workers in our state seeking slavery -- AHEM! -- I mean... employment.

This job would have you working as an experienced repairman and hard laborer in a notably small underground crawl space apparently spanning approximately 35 miles from Honolulu to Oahu's Waianae coast... for seventy-five cents above federal minimum wage.

Aw, but look at the pretty beach you get to set your laboring eyes on after crawling for thirty-five miles!

Now, I'm not sure if there actually is a 35-mile-long crawl space under the highway, as this posting implies, but regardless, let's do a little fact-finding, shall we?

I found out from the government's wage determination site that pay for an "Underground Laborer" will range from $14.65 to $31.90 per hour. I also have found out from my significant other, a manager for a construction company, that joining a labor union as an inexperienced apprentice will get you at least $14 an hour plus benefits (401k, etc.). 

Are you now wondering, as I was, how this employer thought that his posting would appeal to anyone capable of demonstrating any amount of logical thought processes whatsoever (much less someone who has had ANY experience in the construction and labor industries)?

But, but... look at all the pretty colors! 

Now Prossesing Applicants.

Now, hear me out. I understand. Those are very difficult words! They are spelling tricksters. 

"Processor" actually is one of those words where even those of us who have an aptitude for spelling will second-guess ourselves.  Is this one of those "ers" that's really an "or?" Now, are we dealing with "c's" or "s's" here for that ever-so-dubious "ssss" sound? Where are those double consonants supposed to be??

And "mortgage?!" That unnecessary "t" just couldn't be any more silent, Sam! I get you.

Here's what KILLS me:

Craigslist has spellcheck.

Are we really that unobservant to totally dismiss those familiar little red, dotted underlines marking our typos as we construct our postings? Would a red underline strapped onto the name of your business signal any possible mistakes to you that you may not want to overlook as you seek out at least marginally linguistically-conscious applicants? You know, to Modify and prosses Motgage Loans for your Company?

Now, there's no accounting for grammar, here. This isn't Microsoft Word, people. Providing a platform for unsolicited "encounters" and acquiring free crap, Craigslist can do, but covering up incompetence of proper English? Pushing it. 

I'm guessing you don't have a human resources department handling the job postings at Pride Pacific Motgage, do ya, Sam -- o lowly business owner? Hard to find the right candidate that want to take a piece of that growing corporate pie of yours, isn't it? 

Ah, to be on the opposite end of the employment spectrum. What a life...

To Whom It Most Likely Concerns...

Like many an unemployed, mid-recession American job hunter endlessly searching through online listings and "Help Wanted" ads, I have come to find that while tedious and disheartening, job seeking does have at least one solid perk: sheer entertainment value. 

I was inspired to start a blog dedicated to sharing my amusement in looking for work with those unfortunate employed folks who are really missing out. Fellow jobless friends are also welcome to join in the fun and submit their own findings of the quality career opportunities presented to us these days. Enjoy.